Who Am I?

One of his disciples—the one whom Jesus loved—was reclining next to him. —John 13:23 NRSV

I’ve had something on my heart and since my last blog and my “What Am I Doing Here?” series on social media, really even since writing my bio for this site. Some of you know that I usually write by what I call the “crock pot” method. I start with an idea in the “pot,” simmering on low for sometimes a very long time before I get it out and onto the plate, so to speak. In recent months, I have—at the very least—turned up the “pot” to high. You’ll get to see/hear more about that before too long, I hope. But I digress, and not just for the sake of the word count (see previous blogs for more on that).

One thing that happens sometimes as I let these ideas simmer is I come across more information that is helpful to the original idea. Sometimes writing is like a long, drawn out research project for me, but it’s exciting to learn along the way! This is exactly what happened in the case of what’s been on my heart. These thoughts had been “simmering” for a while. Then, a few weeks ago, I came across a post by Pastor Ian Simkins, entitled “What God Says About You Is the Most Important Thing About You.” I highly recommend checking out the whole post for yourself on Facebook or Instagram.

Pastor Simkins begins with referencing that the disciple, John, identifies himself in his gospel as “the one Jesus loved.” He goes on to ask two very thought-provoking questions:

What would it mean to come to the place where you saw your primary identity in life, not as what you did or achieved, not the titles you hold or the tasks you accomplish, but as “the one Jesus loves?”

What would it look like to see our primary identity not as our greatest failure or shortcoming, the things we did, failed to do, or have been done to us, but as “the one Jesus loves?”

Pastor Simkins goes on to highlight the difference between what explains you and what defines you. And that’s when I really grasped what had been on my heart. I had this nagging feeling that I wished I had said things a little differently or maybe said a little more in my earlier posts. That feeling was that I “explained” myself as though I was “defining” myself. I appreciate the way Pastor Simkins articulates the difference. I listed things that explain me like I’m a worship leader, director, writer, singer… I could also explain myself as a wife, daughter, bird-lover, black licorice eater (did I lose you on that last one??).

But the most important thing about me is that I am a child of God, that I am one Jesus loves. That is who I truly am. That is what defines me. And I want that to guide everything else I do.

You may be thinking that the nagging feeling I had seems like I’m making a mountain out of a molehill. But we live in a society that is all about defining us and assigning us value by what explains us. I don’t want to perpetuate that idea by making it seem like that things that explain me are what gives me value. God does that. These other things are just some icing on the cake that God thought would be a cool addition to his creation.

Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed,” says the Lord, who has compassion on you. —Isaiah 54:10 NIV

You may be thinking, why does it matter if the line between explaining and defining gets a little blurry? Well, I think the main reason is that what explains us can change. We’ve all seen professional athletes who have a career-ending injury. If they are defined solely by their ability to play, what happens to their identity after that injury? What if a musician loses the ability to hear or sing or play an instrument? Has that musician lost their worth?

Two weeks ago, the composing and music publishing world was rocked by the news that music notation software, Finale, would be having it’s own finale in a year. Finale has been the industry standard for some time, and while there is other software, this change has huge repercussions for many people. It’s not a quick shift to a different platform either; it’s thousands of file archives needing to be converted and hours of learning a new program. I was planning to put Isaiah 54:10 out as my Monday scripture that week, and when I heard the Finale news I thought, ‘Though the mountains be shaken and Finale be removed…’

God’s love for us and who he says we are cannot be shaken like other things in life. It is important to help others know that. They are still ones Jesus loves even if everything else about them falls away.

Pastor Simkins shared another post beginning with: “If you ever need a reminder about your identity in Christ…” His illustration for the post is fascinating. You can read the whole thing here: Facebook or Instagram. Here’s an excerpt:

A great tragedy today is that a lot of us don’t know who we are. Often faith is merely an addition to a full portfolio. We often define ourselves primarily in terms of our name, job, family, possessions, accomplishments, platform, or network.

But here’s what I’ve found to be true:

If I am what I do, I’ll always need to do more to maintain my value.

If I am what others say, I’ll always try to please people to maintain my value.

If I am who God says I am, there is true freedom and rest.

Please hear this: you are far, far more than the best or worst thing you’ve ever done. Infinitely so. In fact, the truest thing about you is that you’re loved. And there is such profound freedom in that.

There’s a Josh Baldwin song called “Made for More.” It begins with “I know who I am, ‘cause I know who You are.” I know who I am because I know who God is and who he says I am. I hope you know who you are, too, friend. Let’s agree to let all “the things” explain us and let God define us, amen?

And allow me to re-introduce myself…

Hi, I’m Nicole Elsey, child of God and one Jesus loves.